Best Funny Quotes For WhatsApp And FaceBook

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Steven Wright

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.” - Rick Riordan

 This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. - Oscar Wilde

“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.” - Jon Stewart

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.Elbert Hubbard

Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed” - John Green

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.Rodney Dangerfield

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'Conan O'Brien

It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!Steven Weinberg

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.Thomas Sowell

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.George W. Bush